Shifting from a fixed mindset to a growth mindset can be a tough but impactful transition. In my opinion, a person isn’t typically one or the other, but a combination. “Growth mindset believes intelligence can be developed, embraces challenges, persists despite setbacks, sees effort as a path to mastery, learns from criticism, and finds inspiration in others’ success.” While a “fixed mindset believes intelligence is static, avoids challenges to avoid looking unintelligent, gives up easily when obstacles arise, sees effort as pointless or a sign of low ability, ignores useful negative feedback, and feels threatened by others’ success.”  

For me, I was told my whole childhood that I was gifted at math and science like my biological father. I thought I was just naturally gifted and didn’t need to work. I would just know math. Which isn’t true for anyone. Grade school maths came easily, but when I got to college, I failed my first calculus class. Part of it was that the student professor was treated horribly by a few students, and it became hostile. But mostly I just didn’t put forth any effort. When I went back to school in my late 20’s, I knew I would have to really put forth some effort to get a degree in Mathematics. I didn’t know how hard I would have to work until my Junior and Senior years. It was unbelievably difficult. Luckily, I had financial assistance from Vocational Rehab and grants, because if I had to work, there is no way I could have done it. 

When I became a fly fishing guide, I adopted a growth mindset and became more than proficient. But it took a lot of mistakes. Like almost sinking my boat a few times. Yelling at clients. Not listening to guides with more experience when they would give me tips about fishing or clients. Eventually, I learned, and I knew there was always room for improvement. Also, some days you have the river figured out, and other days you’re not sure if there are any fish in the water. 

It may be more of a confidence issue, but I think I’ve lost that growth mindset. I often think that I’m fixed in my present circumstances, due to my severe and persistent mental illness. I feel like why try when I’m going to fail because of my bipolar disorder. I often feel stuck. Some of that is the poverty trap. And I’m in it. I have to have medical insurance and can’t afford private insurance, or have it cover what I need, so I need to make a low enough income that I qualify for Medicaid. Also If I try to work full-time and then I lose SSDI, I risk not being able to keep the job and then having to reapply for SSDI and having to go through the whole application process again. It could take another year or more to get approved again. But more than that is the fact that I don’t think I can succeed. I would like to be a full-time guide again, or maybe a peer counsellor. 

I’m going to try to have a growth mindset and work toward stability and possibly gainful employment.