So, back to my story. I was in jail for about a month. They asked me multiple times if I was manic. I denied that I was, because when I’m manic, I don’t realize that I’m having problems or want help. I was given unsupervised probation. I was still very manic. I wasn’t taking meds in jail. I took a taxi to my car that was parked at my uncle’s house. I drove straight to Dutch John, UT. I went into my home and grabbed a bunch of random things, including a 30-O6 and a 25-O6 rifle. That was a big mistake. Then I headed for Colorado Springs. I told everyone I was going to stay in Dutch John, but I was only there a few minutes. 

I was very delusional. I thought I was Michael the archangel again. I thought I was the Jewish Messiah, a reincarnation of King David. I thought I was supposed to return to Jerusalem to unite the twelve tribes of Israel and reign over the world as king. I had a bavarian backsword I had commissioned when I was in my 20’s that my friend had from when I did western martial arts. The sword hilt looked angelic, and it had cracked from years of use. I thought it was a physical representation of my angelic sword. Like Aragon’s sword, I had to get it repaired so I could use it to rule and unite the people in the fight against the devil. I thought satan had been released upon the world, and it was my duty as Michael to destroy him, lock him back up, or redeem him as my brother. It varied in my mind from moment to moment. 

When I’m manic, I think fictional works are prophecies for the real world, and that I’m one of the main characters. I’m really into fantasy books and media, so I tend to take stories like Lord of the Rings, Wheel of Time, Supernatural, etc, and try to apply them to my life. From Wheel of Time, I think I’m Tavereen and that the pattern of life centers and swirls around me. Talk about delusions of grandeur. I thought my friends’ sister and mom were two powerful angels in physical form meant to protect me on my journey to become king. They were to be my bodyguards, wielding guns, helping me to reach the promised land. 

I landed in Colorado Springs during the day after driving straight there. I finally slept in, I don’t know how long. I was on my sister’s couch and finally felt at peace and relaxed. I had not slept in like 4 days, at least. My sister and her boyfriend tried to get me help but I wanted nothing to do with it. When I’m that acutely manic, I can’t see the problem; I think I’m divine. My mania is an addiction, and the euphoric feeling and power is all all-consuming. It starts euphoric, but it always ends up dysphoric. 

I don’t exactly remember why the cops got called at Walmart, but they did. Maybe a wellness check from my family. They couldn’t do anything because I hadn’t broken any laws, and I stated that I wasn’t a danger to myself or others. This was with my sister’s boyfriend. He was so kind and patient with me. I had some rambling, disjointed notes on little scraps of paper. He read them and tried to understand my thinking. Manic me thought they were completely genius and inspired, but they were completely unhinged. I’m highly intelligent, like a great many bipolar folks, but I’m not as intelligent as I think I am when I’m manic. In an episode, I think I’m the smartest man to ever walk the earth. 

I don’t remember why we went back to Walmart. But this time I was with my sister. I feel so much guilt and shame from this part of my story. I had forgotten it until my sister reminded me during my most recent episode to tell me that I am dangerous and can’t be trusted. This is how I remember it; she was upset because of how I was behaving, and she was yelling at her son, and I thought she was abusing him, so I tried to take him from her. I also had a delusion that he was Lucifer incarnate. I didn’t think of Lucifer as a demon, but as a powerful archangel. Lucifer is like the district attorney, where Michael is the defense.  I got in the driver’s seat and was demanding the keys to her car. I had somehow convinced myself that it wasn’t her car because it was once mine. I guess my manic mind thought that because I sold it to her for cheap. Now I realize it wasn’t cheap, considering how much work her boyfriend had to put into it. I don’t remember how it ended, but eventually I relented.