I just bought a Toyota Tundra, and the excitement of the purchase has me asking, “Is this good feeling I’m feeling, too good?” People with bipolar will understand. For me, it’s hard to differentiate the feeling of excitement from the feeling of mania. I guess I’m just checking in with myself. I already spoke with my therapist about it. He suggested I look at my manic symptoms and compare them to my behaviors now. I tend to check all the boxes when I’m manic. My thoughts get so racing that I can’t keep up with them. It’s like before I have a chance to process a thought, I’m on to the next thought. Sometimes it’s multiple thoughts at once. My mind won’t shut off easily now, but it’s not on the level of racing thoughts. When I’m manic, I have a lack of impulse control. This impulsivity can manifest in a myriad of ways and sometimes with violent tendencies. The only thing I’ve done that is somewhat impulsive was buying a truck the same day the listing was posted. But I had been shopping for a truck for weeks leading up to it. I just pulled the trigger quickly on a truck I thought was a good buy. I suppose I can feel euphoric and not be manic. Novel idea. 

That all being said, I was in a car accident 3 weeks ago that totaled my car. Luckily, it wasn’t my fault. But that kind of stress has caused me to go manic in the past. So I don’t think I’m reading too much into it. But I also shouldn’t pathologize normal human emotions. I’m human, I feel, and sometimes I feel good. And that’s okay. However, it’s good for me to stay vigilant, because my mania destroys my life. The best thing for me to do is to stick to my rules of managing my bipolar disorder. Take my meds. Take a PRN if feeling manic. Sleep 8-10 hours. Go to therapy. Use my support. Practice prayer and meditation. And, I am doing these things. 

The Tundra is a big purchase, and it’s normal to be excited and nervous about it. I’m not manic, hypomanic, or even prodromal. Now this could change, and I will be safeguarding myself against any changes.